There are
no equal partners in faith. There is the god and his ways and laws and then
there is everyone and everything else.
Faced
with the idea of dying and the reality that little or nothing we do remains
permanent except to our own brief and intermittent self-memory, and the actions
we take for those we love and who love us, the certainty of death and loss of
love can seem an impossible challenge to our ego against the backdrop of
infinity.
But
offering answers about love and death through theology provides no comfort for
the skeptic. While it does offer
everything for those who do not question and who accept faith and supernatural
causation.
These
differences are not only a rift in our collective human perspective but it also
remains a distinction between a rationalist comforted by perhaps inner-peace
through a clear secular identity, and the religious child-like perspective of
those looking for salvation and comfort from an eternal parent. All religions
attempt to make docile children out of their adherents in some way or another,
so it should come as no surprise that the obedience and reverence of the
faithful leads to unquestioning acceptance, and even wars and violence to
protect the philosophical and cultural construct of faith.
If you
wish to teach your children, or family and friends, or colleagues and even
strangers not to fear death and to understand the beauty of unconditional love,
one does not need to quote any bible or believe any particular form of
theology. If fact, though some very emotionally satisfying and deceptively simple
(but easily undervalued) books provide a philosophical backdrop for the secular
acceptance of both love and death and dying.
The first
book which comes to mind is one of my favorites and was written by the late Leo
Buscaglia. It is called The Fall of Freddie the Leaf. In this warm story about life and death, Freddy is a leaf
on a huge tree with a good set of friends who in one year face all the seasons
which bring the tree into life and to loss, and into the continuing cycle of
rebirth. Here are some of my favorite quotes:
"What
is a purpose?" Freddie had asked. It is a reason for being Daniel
(Freddy's best leaf friend) answered. To make things more pleasant for others.
To make shade...to provide a cool place...to fan our leaves...these are reasons
for being."
About
individuality and as we change as we age:
(Upon the
approach of fall and getting older) "Why did we turn different colors,
Freddie asked, when we are on the same tree." Daniel responds, "Each
of us is different. We have had different experiences. We have faced the sun
differently. We have cast shade differently."
On death
and dying:
(With the
approach of winter and cold wind). "What is happening? the leaves asked
each other in whispers..."It's what happens in the fall. It is the time
for leaves to change their home. Some people call it to die." Everything dies. No matter how big or small, how weak
or strong. We do our job. We experience the sun and the moon, the wind and the
rain. We learn to dance and to laugh. The we die."
"We
all fear what we don't understand. It's natural. But you were not afraid when
spring became summer. You were not afraid when summer became fall. They were
natural changes. Why should you be afraid of the season of death?"
"Does
the tree die? Freddy asks Daniel. "Someday. But there is something
stronger than the tree. It is life. It lasts forever and we are all part of
life."We may not return in the spring but life will."
Finally,
about the acceptance and the joy of life:
In the
story, the "Boy" character as a child plays on the tree but as he
matures he becomes materialistic and seeks to grow up to have money, and a
family and a house and a boat and to finally run away from his life and
troubles. All this because he believes those are the things that will make him
happy. But in the process, the tree gives up her apples, then her branches then
her whole trunk, leaving her alone and a stump, all to make the boy happy.
When the
boy returns as an old man and the tree says it has nothing left to give, the
Boy essentially says that the life he had chosen only made him old and tired.
All he now needs is a place to sit and rest, for which the tree offers her
stump. And the boy sits down and then again, the tree is happy.
"...And
the Boy did...And the tree was happy."
In both
books the power and imagery of the tree as giving both life and love to
individuals and whole communities (even the universe) is very clear. Perhaps
this is an old literary device as the tree symbolizes rebirth and knowledge. Of
course we see this in biblical imagery as well with its ties to sin and going
against god. We see the use of the tree as punishment and abandonment and a
participant in human guilt, suffering and pain.
But to a
secular humanist in these two stories, we find the trees and their leaves and
fruit, and all those taking part of the business of the tree, as being
ultimately being given kindness. We are clean and brilliant and humanistically
free because we are loved and we are accepted even in death. We are not born in sin but beauty; neither should we presume our end will be nothing more than a return to the open cosmos from which we came.
And for
me, this is what makes the two stories so special and why they remain a
counter-balance to the concepts of death and love related to religion and
faith. I urge you to buy these books and read them to the people who you love.
I recently did just that and the process of reading both books served to bring
us deeply closer.





